Helping out 10-02-18

I was reminded this evening how hard it is for most of use to ask for help.  And the older one gets the more frequent are the times that it becomes necessary.   Even asking a close friend to run an errand or take care of something is difficult.  I especially know this since I have KoKo as a housemate.  When I need to go away overnight, what happens to KoKo?  There are several friends and acquaintances who are happy to have a loving little doggie for a few days or even a week.  But they also have plans and go on vacations.  I won't put him in a kennel, so if I can't find a KoKo keeper I just have to stay home.  

But even harder than finding a pet sitter is asking someone to aid in caring for a sick husband or wife.  I remember asking a very dear and close friend to stay with my sick husband for a few hours and she declined.  I was shocked because I would have done it for her in the same situation.  She explained that she was afraid he would die while she was alone with him and she couldn't handle that.  He wasn't that close to dying, but I accepted that it was a problem for her and found someone else to stay for a few hours.   However, when I fell apart one night when things were going badly, I didn't call her.  Instead I called someone I hardly knew, but who I liked and admired.  She had always been friendly and had dealt with sickness with her family.  I called her in tears and sobbed out my fear and despair and she drove to my house, sat on the sofa and held me in her arms while I disintegrated.  My husband was sleeping soundly and never knew that I had "lost it".  She was a saving grace in a time of desperation.   Oddly enough, we did not become close friends, but were acquaintances until she moved away.  I cannot at this moment even remember her name, thirty years have passed since that horrible night.  I hold her in my memory for her care and concern when I needed someone.   There was not another crisis and in a few months my husband died and I was able to deal with it and continue on with life.  I wonder sometimes if she ever knew what a tremendous gift she had given me in that dark time.  I hope she has had a lovely life and has found comfort when she needed it. 

So, I am willing to help when I can and I understand when someone cannot.  But don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.  It may be a gift that you are giving to your helper also. 

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